Outside of Time
by Neptune's Mask
Summary: Kikyou's point of view about the irony of everything that has happened to her. It's my first nonSailor Moon fanfiction, and Kikyou is one of my least favorite characters, so bear that in mind, and please be gentle. Oneshot.


Irony

A/N: This is my first non-Sailor Moon fanfiction, so please, be gentle with me. Kikyou is one of my least favorite characters, so I figured I'd give myself a challenge, as well as start small. Here goes!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from InuYasha.

An inexplicable pain tore through me, when I rose once again. My listless brown eyes fell upon the last thing that I had seen before I died. InuYasha. Instant heated rage and betrayal coursed through what would be my veins, but I have no blood to spill now, or a heart to break. Yet, as I notch my arrow, after killing the arrogant youkai who had the audacity to call herself my "mother," his amber eyes look at me, and I feel his emotions flicker across my mind. How can this be possible? How can he look at me like that? He, who killed me in the first place?

There are so many unanswered questions, but for now, my hatred for him is so great that I care not for arguments or interrogations. I simply want to strike him down, and make him pay for his betrayal. I do not heed the frantic pleas of those around him, or the inane babble that InuYasha was not the one to deliver the fatal wound to my back and shoulder. I saw it with my own eyes, saw the undeniable proof in the blood, my blood, that painted the grass. And still, he claims innocence and how he cared for me. I will not be lied to.

But of course, something else goes amiss, and I fall from that damned cliff, to be caught by my soul-stealers, the shindamachu (spelling? I'm great with English, but sometimes I'm not sure of the Japanese) who will become my constant companions. They carry me on, and I am content for now, because he knows, he knows that I died hating him, and I take some small vicious pleasure knowing that I hurt him.

By myself, I watch, and I am forced to remember everything that happened while I was alive. I feel so utterly stupid, because I was used. My life became the infernal Shikon no Tama, I was bound to it, as InuYasha would later be bound to the tree. I simply don't understand. Everything was supposed to be taken care of. The Shikon no Tama was burned along with my body, but it was brought back into this time and this place, in the form of my reincarnation. I was supposed to find serenity, to remain good and pure, yet now, I am filled with contempt and loathing. I feel a small twinge in the general region of my chest, and go to wipe away the tears that would follow, but of course, I can shed no tears. Instead, I beat my cold fists against the rough bark of the nearest tree. I was so kind and gentle, good and strong. What happened to me? In my tantrum, I've worn myself out, and my shindamachu hurry to bring me souls. I clench my hands. I'm must now depend upon the dead in order to remain in this world. What kind of a miko am I? Injustice lies ripe and bitter upon my tongue.

With time, I learn that it was not in fact InuYasha, to deal me such a mortal wound, but another hanyou called Naraku, born from the broken body of that bandit Onigumo. Yet again, ironic, that one who loved me in life, would seek to rob me of happiness and peace later.

My list of sins stretches so numerous, I hate to admit to them. First of all, by feeling for the hanyou InuYasha, my powers as a miko were limited, and during one accursed battle, I took my own younger sister's eye. Thank Kami she wasn't hurt further, but still, it was my weakness that brought it about. It was my compassion that drove Onigumo to give himself to those demons for power, and it was my love for InuYasha, that caused the both of us to be played and abused by Naraku.

I sigh, and cradle the newly acquired souls with care, and move further away. I do not wish to attract InuYasha's attention. Meetings with him are too intense and confusing for me. There was no lie in my words, for I do love him, but could I really take him to hell? We would be together forever, but he still has so much left to do that I fear the repercussions of my actions. And that Kagome girl, the one who shares my soul, it pains her when we are together. It wouldn't matter so much, if she weren't also a part of me, and hadn't gone out of her way to save me so many times. Stupid girl.

So many times, I have died, or nearly so, but some force conspires to bring me back, and bring me back. Why? So that I may continue to ache and fume, seethe and wish to cry or to bleed? I am full of so much malice, yet I still try to be the miko that I no longer can be. I try to heal and to care, but I no longer possess the capacity.

A flower brushes my cheek, stirred from the breeze, and it lands in my palm. I study it for a while, wishing that I could actually smell its fragrance, then let it continue on its way. I can hear InuYasha sometimes, when he thinks no one is listening, and he's so distraught, whether to retain the love he felt for me many years ago, or to free himself and simply be with Kagome. Either way, I suppose I shall get my wish.

But it isn't enough. Naraku must pay, as shall we all. If InuYasha defeats Naraku, falls by my hand or another's, comes to hell with me, or takes Kagome as his, then and only then, will I be free to return to hell. My name is Kikyou, and I am neither of the living nor the dead. It seems to be my fate to wait, alone, in the furtive shadows of this world, for the end of all things.

The End

**Neptune's Mask**


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